


here's to you and me

by starlight_sugar



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fusion, Multi, Supernatural Elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-24
Updated: 2017-05-24
Packaged: 2018-11-04 04:32:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10983444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starlight_sugar/pseuds/starlight_sugar
Summary: Meet Taako and Kravitz. Toast of the upper crust. Headliners on the society pages. And, oh yes, they see ghosts.





	here's to you and me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [marquis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/marquis/gifts).



> Disclaimer: This is a work by a fan for fans, not affiliated with MaxFun, the McElroys, WorkJuice, or TAH.  
> Canon notes: AU, but includes references to TAZ characters introduced as late as Reunion Tour.  
> Content warnings: alcohol. A genuinely unrealistic amount of alcohol.
> 
> Happy birthday to [Tam,](http://travismcelrcy.tumblr.com) Avi to my Johann, Sadie to my Donna, TreyCo to my Lil J and my very best friend. Hope you enjoy your present!
> 
> This fic is an AU based on the segment "Beyond Belief" from the podcast The Thrilling Adventure Hour. (It's hilarious, and I'd definitely recommend it.) All you need to know is this: there are supernatural elements at play, and Taako and Kravitz are high-society types who drink a lot.

“Taako, darling, we’re going to be late,” Kravitz calls, straightening his lapels in the mirror. Running late is not an option, this time: for one this is an important occasion, and for another he dug his best cufflinks out of the depths of his closet for this. It’d be a shame if they were late.

“I’m coming,” Taako shouts back, from where he’s been locked in the bedroom getting ready. “Pour me a martini for the road?”

“I’ve poured you two, and one for myself.”

Taako laughs. “Only one?”

“Someone has to drive there,” Kravitz answers, picking up two of the glasses. “I’m sure Magnus and Julia would prefer it if we were on time.”

“They’d never expect us to be on time,” Taako scoffs as he opens the door. “Hand me a drink?”

Kravitz does automatically, but his breath is seized in his chest. Taako looks - well, he always looks beautiful, but he’s outdone himself today, with his hair doing something complicated and plaited, a lacy dress and a blazer, the way he’s smiling like he knows what he’s doing to Kravitz.

“Cat got your tongue, hon?” Taako asks as he takes his glass.

“You look wonderful,” Kravitz answers, and holds out his own glass.

Taako snickers. “I’ll drink to that,” he says, and they clink their classes together.

Kravitz sips his martini, watching Taako down his in one gulp, the line of his throat as he swallows. “You know,” he says, as conversationally as possible, “we’re already running late.”

“You haven’t let me forget,” Taako mutters, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “Why does it matter?”

“No, I’m just thinking…” Kravitz tilts his head. “It certainly won’t matter if we’re slightly later than we are already.”

“What would make us later?”

“Well, my husband looks ravishing tonight, and as much as I’d hate to ruin your makeup after you spent so long on it…”

Taako pauses in reaching for his second martini. “You wanna make out on the couch,” he says delightedly.

Kravitz shrugs. “Don’t you?”

Taako grins, positively devilish. “Oh, Krav,” he sighs, and grabs Kravitz’s carefully-straightened lapels, positively ruins the lines of his suit jacket in the process. “I wouldn’t have worn this dress if I didn’t want to make out on the couch.”

“Well, I’d hate to let you down,” Kravitz murmurs, ghosting his fingers down Taako’s arm. “If you don’t mind being late-”

“When have I ever minded?” Taako laughs, and leans in to kiss him.

#

Julia answers the door holding a parasol over her head. Taako raises his eyebrows. “It’s cloudy out, do you really need that?”

“Maybe not, but I also don’t need to take shit from you when you showed up half an hour late,” Julia shoots back.

Taako grins, all teeth. “What can I say? We got a little caught up.”

Kravitz coughs, not quite embarrassed. Julia latches onto it anyways, turning to tilt her head at him. “And what exactly were you doing?”

“Whom, not what,” Kravitz says before he can stop himself.

Julia laughs delightedly, hard enough that Kravitz can see her fangs. “Oh, God,” she wheezes, “you guys really were a match made in hell, huh?”

“Where all the best matches are made.” Taako leans in to kiss Julia on her cheek. “Happy anniversary. Where’s the big guy?”

“Upstairs, with Merle.” Julia steps out of the doorway. “Come on in. Are those for us or for you?”

“Two for each,” Kravitz answers, and hands her both of his bottles of wine. “Taako has ours. Darling-”

Taako hands him one bottle as he breezes past, brushing his fingers against Kravitz’s in the process. “Don’t drink it all at once,” he calls as he starts up the stairs.

“When you die of alcohol poisoning, I’m not turning you into vampires,” Julia announces, going to set the bottles in the kitchen. “And Magnus and I can’t see ghosts, so we won’t be able to talk to you.”

“Merle could.”

“Merle would talk to Taako. Not you.”

Kravitz sighs. “Honestly, you’d think he would forgive and forget by now, he knows-”

“You tried to exorcise his best friend!”

“I think an exorcism is a perfectly reasonable reaction to a  _ pterodactyl. _ ”

“They call him Pterodactyl Highchurch,” Julia says exasperatedly. “Where did you think that nickname came from? ”

“I think I had a flight or fight response,” Kravitz mutters. It’s true that he had nearly exorcised Merle’s beloved pet pterodactyl, but as far as he’s concerned the “nearly” outweighs the “exorcised” by a wide margin. “Do you have a corkscrew?”

“You’re lucky the pterodactyl flew instead of fighting,” Julia shoots back, handing Kravitz the corkscrew. “Or else I think Merle would’ve killed you himself.”

“I’m still gonna kill him myself,” Merle says. Kravitz turns to look at him bemusedly, and Merle is scowling up at him. It could be wishful thinking, but it looks less sincere than it used to when they met. “I left the pterodactyl at home, so we can talk like civil people.”

“Name the pterodactyl Hannah,” Magnus suggests. “Hi, Kravitz.”

“Magnus.” Kravitz tips his bottle at him before he goes about uncorking it. “How long have you had this pterodactyl, Merle?”

“Twenty-seven damn years,” Merle snaps. “And it still doesn’t need a name. It’s not like there are enough pterodactyl ghosts that it’ll get confusing.”

Kravitz takes a long swig from the bottle. “It’d be faster to say Hannah,” he points out.

“Well, by that logic, it needs to be a one-syllable name.” Julia drums her fingers on the table. “What about Merle?”

“Naming the pterodactyl Merle?” Magnus scoffs. “That’d be too confusing, come o-”

“Merle Junior,” Merle says thoughtfully. “It has a nice ring to it.”

Magnus points at him. “No. No way, if you want a Merle Junior you should have kids.”

“God, please don’t ever make me think about Merle having kids,” Taako groans. “Or kids existing.”

Julia looks between him and Kravitz in surprise. “You don’t want kids?”

“Hell no,” Taako snorts.

“Not right now,” Kravitz amends, just to watch Taako roll his eyes at him. “No, we’re not interested in having children.”

“I don’t think any of us are,” Merle starts, and then pauses. “Wait a second.”

Kravitz glances at Magnus, whose mouth is open, and Julia, whose cheeks are turning pink. And he figures it out, half a second before Julia says, “Well, actually, that’s what we wanted to talk about today.”

Taako’s eyes widen. “No. No way.”

“I knew twelve years was a weird number for an anniversary party,” Merle mutters.

Magnus goes over to wrap an arm around Julia’s shoulders, which she leans into without hesitation. The two of them are practically glowing. “Guys,” Magnus says, “we’re- she’s- there’s-”

“I’m pregnant,” Julia says softly.

“Mazel tov,” Taako says, and takes a massive drink from his own bottle of wine.

“I don’t wanna be indelicate,” Merle starts, “but, uh… how’s that gonna work?”

Julia frowns. “How’s what going to work?”

“I mean you’re…” Merle gestures at her, then Magnus. “And he’s…”

“He’s referring to the interspecies issue,” Kravitz surmises.

Merle glares at him. “They could’ve figured that out without you.”

“No, that’s a good question, though.” Taako tilts his head. “Vampire plus werewolf means… it’s only going to have fangs on the full moon?”

“We’re not sure,” Julia admits. “There’s not a lot of history of this, and even if there were, neither of our communities is exactly as thrilled as we are.”

“But we’re plenty thrilled,” Kravitz says quickly. “And we can - of course, all three of us see ghosts, we have our ties to the community-”

“Lulu’s gonna flip her  _ shit, _ ” Taako bursts out, looking thrilled. “She’s going to call dibs on being the cool aunt, you know that, right?”

Julia smiles. “Next time she and Lucretia visit you’ll have to send them our way. We’d be more than happy to have a cool aunt.”

“I want to be the wise grandpa,” Merle announces.

“You have to be wise first,” Taako mutters, ignoring when Merle swats at him.

“Of course you guys are all part of the family,” Magnus says. “And we can figure out what Merle and Lup are later.”

“What about us?” Kravitz asks.

“You’re the rich drunk uncles,” Magnus says, as though it should be obvious. Kravitz supposes it’s a little obvious.

“Fuck yeah, we are.” Taako moves to stand by Kravitz and twines their fingers together. “Seriously, congrats, you guys are gonna be great at this whole parent thing, and we can make sure none of the covens or packs bug you guys.”

“I call dibs on that dark husband guy,” Merle offers. “I’ll kick his ass.”

“Who, Magic Brian?” Julia laughs. “Yeah, kick his ass, he’s one of the worst.”

Magnus shakes his head. “Magic Brian, Dark Husband of the Midnight,” he says mockingly. “Dude’s a total asshole.”

“He sounds like my type,” Taako says offhandedly. Kravitz squeezes his hand, just a little possessive, and Taako grins. “Not as much as this guy, of course, but you know.”

“He’s actually kind of awful, he’s one of the creepy vampires, but…” Julia shrugs. “He can’t mess this up for us.”

Magnus kisses the top of Julia’s head and beams. “We’re gonna be parents!”

“I’ll toast to that,” Taako offers, lifting his wine bottle. “Jules, can you drink?”

Julia pauses. “I don’t think so?”

“I’ll drink for both of us,” Magnus offers.

Taako shakes his head. “No, you should swear off alcohol in solidarity. I can drink for all three of us, don’t worry.”

“You already drink for three people,” Merle mutters. “Gimme a glass of wine, I want to toast.”

Magnus goes off to get wine glasses, and Merle looks beseechingly up at Julia. “Can I be the grandpa, Jules? Please?”

“We’ll talk about it,” Julia promises. “Mags, honey, do we have something I can pretend is alcoholic?”

“Orange juice,” Magnus offers.

Julia sighs. “Good enough.”

“Are you sure you don’t want vodka?” Kravitz asks. “I doubt that a vampire-werewolf hybrid would be too badly affected by it.”

“And at least one of us definitely has vodka,” Taako adds.

“No, I’d rather play it safe, but thanks for the offer.” Julia takes the carton of orange juice that Magnus hands her. “Who’s toasting?”

“Me,” Merle and Taako say simultaneously, and then glare at one another.

“Merle first, his’ll be longer.” Magnus pours a glass of wine for Merle and then himself. “Merle?”

Merle accepts his glass and holds it up. “You guys are gonna be the best parents out of all of us,” he says with conviction, “and we’re all gonna love your baby. Congratulations, you two. Here’s to baby Burnsides.”

“Baby Burnsides,” Taako echoes, and the five of them all drink.

Magnus smiles at Taako. “Alright, whatcha got?”

Kravitz looks at Taako expectantly, and Taako smiles at him for a heartbeat before raising his bottle. “Here’s to family,” he says decisively. “Yours, mine, and all of us. Proud of you, bud.”

Magnus beams, and Julia grins. “Hear, hear,” she says, and takes a long swig of orange juice.

Kravitz clinks his bottle against Taako’s and smiles. “That was lovely,” he murmurs.

“Short and sweet,” Taako agrees, and leans over to kiss Kravitz gently. Kravitz smiles into it, and Taako’s smiling when he pulls away. “You know, we’ve got a pretty sweet crew with the five of us.”

“I’ll drink to that,” Kravitz murmurs, and Taako laughs, and they lift their bottles to their mouths in unison.

**Author's Note:**

> The title comes from [this song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2JZVycJhJYU) that's used in TAH! Here's some bonus info about the fic:
> 
>   * Merle does actually have kids! They live with his ex-wife Hecuba, who wasn’t wild about the whole supernatural powers thing. Mookie can see ghosts. Mavis can’t, but she likes learning about the supernatural creatures.
>   * Lup and Lucretia visit at random intervals because they travel a lot. They’re pretty much constantly riding the rails. Lup and Taako both grew up pretty poor, but Taako met Kravitz and married into money. Lup and Lucretia met at the wedding, and Lucretia was fairly wealthy but also more than happy to follow Lup into her vagrant lifestyle. (What woman cannot relate to that? Only a woman who has never loved.)
>   * Magic Brian is an old, traditionalist, vaguely nutty vampire. Sort of dramatic. Julia doesn’t like him.
>   * Magnus and Julia have a son, who is both a vampire and a werewolf with some of the powers of each. They decide to name him Angus.
>   * There were not a lot of ghosts in this, but rest assured, Taako and Kravitz can see ghosts. They’re admittedly more interested in alcohol and each other than they are in the ghosts, but they’ve been known to help out with supernatural phenomena from time to time.
> 

> 
> Thank you for reading! You're welcome to drop by and say hi on Tumblr or Twitter, I'm @waveridden on both!


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